dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
did i walk over a car last night?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
