need another drink. this is the easiest way
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
