It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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