dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
