BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize