dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
