I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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