as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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