my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
