I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I forget how to act sober
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