Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
do nipples grow back?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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