Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
