I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
