That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions