What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?