he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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