Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
