Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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