I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
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Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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