I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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