Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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