I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
