and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
