How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
