If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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