Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
