You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
