Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
this just has baby written all over it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
