I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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