kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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