i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
