This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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