Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
