Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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