he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
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I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
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Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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