Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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