first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You're like the curious george of whores
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
