Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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