I am midnight drunk by noon
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
