she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
