you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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