The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
