I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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