The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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