her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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