So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
