seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
