Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
