I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
time to smoke my breakfast
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
