I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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