Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
