Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
