can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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