Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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