if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
