On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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