worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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