he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
