My Higher Power is John Stamos
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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