my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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