What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
