It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just want nice things and good sex
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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