Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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