Welp...herpes.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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