Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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