i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize