Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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