Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
