I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
